Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel

I was really looking forward to this book because it came highly recommended by Elizabeth Gilbert (yes, I'm on that bandwagon, but she speaks so well) and I'm a huge dork for Tudor drama. Like, considering getting a tattoo of their crest level of dorkdom.

See? So pretty.

However, I was disappointed by this book and had to quit after about 100 pages.

I read historical fiction to pretend I'm amid the dramatic event itself. In Wolf Hall, the narrator is omniscent third person through Thomas Cromwell while Henry VIII is trying to oust his first wife in favor of Anne Boleyn. Certainly Cromwell is an important perspective, but I prefer the women's view of it, like in Phillippa Gregory's books.

He looks chipper.

 At first, I went with it to try and gain a new POV of the issue outside of my well-worn copy of The Other Boleyn Girl, but Mantel's structure is difficult to read, so her characters aren't easy to empathize with. Some conversations are in quotes and some aren't. Some sentences go on and give details into characters' thoughts, but others give readers no clue what's going on or who that person is. Should a reader who's not got a doctorate in the history Tudor England have Google at the ready to know who she's talking about?

She also includes jokes that reference some oblique detail about a person's past and/or some historical reference only a 1500's gentleman would understand. I mean, sure, that's what would happen, but very few would understand that when a dude says, "Oh, I see Mr So-and-so's been reading his Old Testament," he's really calling another guy a Jew, and therefore cheap. That's long and convoluted humor.

HAHAHAHAHA.. oh. No one else thinks it's funny. 

Also, it feels like it's written by a woman; the narrator doesn't cross genders well at all. She focuses on Cromwell's wife and tries to describe her through her husband's eyes like about the her sleeping habits and cuteness and special foods... bitch, men did not CARE about their wives at that time. They were trying to keep they damn heads on they shoulders!

I'm sure she did a lot of good research and worked hard to pull out such minute details and throw them into her novel, but it could not keep my attention. To compare it to Gregory's work, I can tell that, though Gregory's research into Tudor England undoubtedly came up much the same as Mantel's, Gregory paid attention to who was reading her work and only included aspects of the history which were necessary and interesting. She gave more visualizations and dummed down the ye olde English so readers could follow what was up. Sorry Mantel, but Gregory still reigns queen.

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(Dear God it's a trilogy?! Bleeechh)

Confessions of Georgia Nicolson Series by Lousie Rennison

This book series is possibly the funniest I have ever read. From the perspective of vain, silly, socially obsessed yet awkward teen-aged girl Georgia Nicolson, we experience suburban England. Her father's ridiculous, her mother dresses like a tramp, her baby sister's insane, and her cat is violently untameable. Add in gorgey boyfriends and overly made up girlfriends (though with excellent senses of humor), and it reminds me of what it was like to travel in groups of girls in high school and groaning at everything my parents said.

Rennison's lingo only adds to the hilarity; this isn't a woman who's afraid to make up words, and we need more of that. To Americans it's particularly hilarious to hear each in your head. As a student taking a couple of languages at once, Georgia naturally writes some vocab from her classes, like she calls her mother Mutti and her father Vati from German class. The end result is a something fantastically reminiscent of Eddie Izzard stand up.  Slowly you realize that her vocab is phasing into your everyday conversation. I still say "Gott in Himmel" and "Christ on a bike" and call breasts "basoomas."

A lot of people call these books the younger version of the Bridget Jones diaries, and I would agree (though thankfully without the booze and the sex). These quick reads are good reminders that though your awkwardness may never really go away, but as long as you and your friends can laugh about your martini olive costume, you'll be okay.

See? Hilarious.

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Ella Enchanted and The Two Princesses of Bamarre by Gail Carson Levine

Everyone should know I love fairy tales reworked and retold in new and interesting ways. Carson Levine excels in this. Another reason this book was such a success with me was because I picked it up when I was a little girl and thinking how terrible it was that my mom made me do chores. I quickly learned that my situation was not as bad as it could have been.

Ella 'blessed' with the gift of obedience by her fairy godmother as a baby; anything someone tells her to do, she must do it. When her mother dies and her father remarries to give her some stability, Ella realizes fast that she must find her fairy godmother and break her curse before she loses everything, including her new friend, the prince.

I basically picture her fairy godmother like this.

I was so excited to finally have some elaboration on why Cinderella stuck with her horrible stepfamily and did everything they said. Carson Levine also takes steps to create new species and languages within the universe to make it more realistic. There are sequels set in the same world, but none of them measure up to Ella Enchanted.

I also would urge readers to try an experiment. Imagine living with Ella's curse for one day in this new advertising-driven world of today. Could you imagine going out and buying every car as the TV commands or trying every product that has a label that tells you to take it home today? It's stressful, and also opens your eyes to the marketing level in America, if you didn't already know.

Down to this creepy poster.

Finally, please, PLEASE, PLEASE do not watch the movie by the same name. I love Anne Hathaway, but this has to be the worse bastardization of a book to film production that exists. I know I'm claiming a lot with that statement, but it's true.

They turned the story into some teenybopper sack of shit. Ella needed no martial arts to win; she did it through smarts and compassion and patience.

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Riding on my love of Ella Enchanted, I sought out the author's other books and found this gem, which I loved more than my favorite! Addie and Meryl are two young princesses living in a kingdom ruled by the Gray Death, a plague which wipes out much of the population, including their mother. Meryl vows to find a cure, and spends her childhood learning swordplay and studying battle plans to fight a dragon who would have one. However, when she falls victim to the mortal illness, only her shy, frail, bookworm sister Addie can get the cure, hopefully in time. 

As an older sister, this book spoke to me about what it means to set an example for the ones following in my footsteps. This was also advice my parents were always reminding me about, but for some reason this book illustrated the point most effectively. Meryl is the older one, but from her strength Addie found the courage to do what was needed, despite having phobias about everything. 

But she's right in being afraid of some of them. Fuck spiders.

This is also an excellent girl-power book; while Meryl is definitely a heroine, readers also learn they don't have to be tutored in swordplay or have any MVP awards to be heroes. Like Addie, they just need knowledge, drive, and flexibility to stay on the path and reach that goal. Miraculously enough, I've found that sometimes the universe cooperates with you. It may not be in the ways you expected or perfectly constructed, but it will be done.

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White Cat by Holly Black

I picked up this book because I love Holly Black and Jesse Eisenberg (who I think is just cute as a button) was reading the audio book. It was quick and I used it to pass the time in the car, but, as usual for Black, creative in many ways.

Cute!!

Cassel, the protagonist, is the only son in a family of curseworkers who doesn't have the abilities that go with the negative practice. His brothers work for a mob doing cons but Cassel is still just in school. He starts having sleepwalking issues related to a childhood love that he killed. But when Cassel and his new friends dig deeper into his past to resolve his issues, he quickly discovers that he can't trust anyone, even the damn cats hanging around his dump of a home.

Evil cats!!

Cassel is the mature voice in a sea of criminals; like other young adult lit heroes, he just wants to be normal. I appreciate the struggle he has with conducting his cons. He loves to fool people, and is good at it, sort of like a magical Danny Ocean. For those who saw Eisenberg in Now You See Me, you'll be reminded of the movie when listening to this audiobook.

Decent movie.

Because he knows the life of conning people, especially those who can't work curses, is wrong, he wants to abandon it eventually. However, he knows how valuable a good con can be in a pinch, his morality swings like a pendulum throughout the book. When she introduces the concept of redemption in a YAL book Black is showing how deeply guilt can affect anyone so easily, especially in the young.

His brothers are pretty shallow, and I foretell that the rest of the trilogy will be dealing with his relationships with them. His grandfather is a good character (though my expendable character alert is ringing) and his mother is frustrating as hell.

I wish this guy was still alive to be the grandfather in a movie adaption :(

I'm certainly interested to read the rest of the series, but I don't think it will overly wow me because the same old YAL themes are being used. However, Black has surprised me before, so we'll see what happens...

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Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay

When people think of the Holocaust, they usually think of Germany, Poland, and the concentration camps in occupied countries. However, it's important to remember that there were Allied countries who also helped the Nazis persecute Jews.

Jews were locked in this arena for days without food or water or sewage management.

Sarah's Key is written in the present and the past; modern-day journalist Julia investigates the Vel d'Hiv evacuation from 1942. She finds paperwork related to a young girl named Sarah. The resulting journey takes Sarah into Paris's past and the suffering that happened. I liked this aspect of the story because the Holocaust is fascinating, but I found the other plot line more relatable.

There is this memorial in Pere Lachaise Cemetary commemorating the Holocaust.

Julia is American, but she has moved to Paris to be with her French husband. Despite her fluent bilingualism and conformity, she still experiences cultural dissonance with her new home, mostly with her husband's family. Sarah's story of the evacuation of Jews from Paris connects her to the history around her, and to find a home within herself.

I don't wanna say her husband was a snob, but...

Though the story is depressing (as all Holocaust stories inevitably are), I think it's important to read these novels to keep the difficult memories alive. How else can we prevent such tragedies from happening again? I happily look forward to the French movie.

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The Tudor Court Series by Phillippa Gregory

Hi, my name is Lindsey, and I have an addiction. It's absolutely nonsensical, and could only be explained by some past life shenanigans. I am obsessed with the Tudors. Not the show, but the real, once-living people from history. Thankfully, good historical novels like Gregory's exist to supplement my imagination with how they really were.

Kinda wanna get their crest as a tattoo, not gonna lie.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I could reread this series. Gregory has this way of bringing history to life and her characters become deep and tangible. She handles the whole Henry VIII wife fiasco from the female perspective, but not Anne Boleyn's; instead, in The Other Boleyn Girl, she approaches the tale from Anne's sister Mary Boleyn's POV. By doing that, readers know a new scale of King Henry, from the beginning of his monarchy when he was stable, to post-Anne, after he was driven crazy with insecurity.

The Other Boleyn Girl with Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson was a must-see, if for nothing else to see Johansson's incredible performance. Portman (one of my favorite actresses) did a good Anne, but I didn't think she was mystifying enough somehow. I also didn't like Eric Bana as Henry because he wasn't boisterous enough for me. But still, watch it.

However, my favorite Gregory book (so far) has to be The Constant Princess which is the story of when Catherine of Aragon first came to England. It also touches upon her childhood in Spain and her brief marriage to Henry's older brother Arthur. My admiration for this queen can't be overstated- she had so many miscarriages and tragedies, but through it all she understood that she had to be a ruler first and a human/woman second.

I went to Hampton Court palace in 2011 and found this list of all of Catherine's babies. 

She always turned her head from Henry's affairs because she knew she just needed to focus on providing England with an heir and being a good caretaker to her people. When she was ousted out of the monarchy, in my humble opinion, the whole thing went to crap.

Bitch was hardcore.

Part of Henry's divorce argument against her was that she was his sister biologically once she laid with his brother; she always retorted that she and Arthur had never had sex because he was too sickly. The Constant Princess reveals the 'true' details of Catherine and Arthur's relationship.

Next, The Boleyn Inheritance tackles the messy web of all of Henry's other wives:

The major fangirl in me feels that these should have been books in their own right, but maybe Gregory's publishers thought the series wouldn't survive through a book all about Anne of Cleves, boring German that she was. Or maybe the author was already moving onto her other bestselling series The Cousins' War.

Total tally...

Either way, all 4 final women are given their own sections of the book, detailing their entrance into the role of queen and, inevitably, their exits. Interestingly, Gregory shows us the complicated switches from Jane Rochford's POV, Anne's sister-in-law who testified against the Harlot and her brother. Whether she is redeemed or not depends on what the reader decides.

Finally, The Other Queen talks about one of the most disputed instances of regicides: the death of Queen Mary of Scots. This is another historical figure I'm very interested in, because she's another who owns that title granted to few women- queen in her own right. Her death was a very hard order that Elizabeth I agonized over; what would it mean for 'sister queens' (in reality, cousins) to suddenly start killing each other off? However the Catholic-Protestant divide in England was too great, and Mary died. Gregory's book has Mary writing the true motivations and forces behind her tumultuous international rule the night before she is executed. This book in the series wasn't as good as the others, to me, because I felt like it was rushed and doesn't have the juicy details like in The Constant Princess or The Other Boleyn Girl. However, it was still well-worth the read.

Ironically she's buried right down the hall from her noble cousin.

Gregory does everything I think a writer should and more. She does accurate research, undoubtedly from spending hours and days and weeks digging into obscure details on the legislation and daily lives of people in Tudor England. Though the whole point of historical fiction is to embellish upon truth, Gregory's spin on Tudor England is just as believable as the real thing. I urge you to go get lost in one of these excellent books as soon as possible!

If I grew up to write just like her, that wouldn't be a bad thing.

NOTE: Just realized I haven't read the fourth and fifth books in The Tudor Court series, The Queen's Fool and The Virgin's Lover. I will get on that right away!

UPDATE: I just finished The Queen's Fool and found it definitely worth my time. The protagonist experiences profound growth from adolescence to adulthood and gives new insight into Queen Mary I a.k.a. Bloody Mary. She also has a modern sense of feminism in a 16th century world, but eventually reconciles wifehood with her independence. One doesn't have to obsessed with the Tudors to be into this book; it also involves the Inquisition, Judaism, and espionage. Well done, Gregory!

Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult

Picoult is kind of hard for me to read; it's like soap opera writing, just drama between people that, really, could be solved easily if only they would do what makes them so scared. I know that's easier said than done, but I get so frustrated with characters who refuse to fall in love because they're afraid of getting hurt or stories about parents who lie to their children to protect them. Neither of those issues come up in this book, but I was afraid it would be a drama-thon like that. It did have drama, but in a more creative way.

If you've ever seen The Craft, picture that.

Salem Falls is about a group of girls who practice New Age witchcraft, or Wicca, to solve their problems and all the angst that comes with puberty. The head girl, Gillian, falls for their new history teacher, Jack St. Bride. When her feelings aren't reciprocated, she accuses him of molesting her. Because he has a record of a similar incident in the town he's from (also false), Salem Falls decides he's guilty before the trial even begins. The negative publicity he gets also kind of puts off his new girlfriend, diner owner Abby.

The book also had strong influence from this law.

See? Drama for no reason, all because of a crazy little girl. I understand, I think, what Picoult was trying to do: rehash The Crucible, one of my favorite pieces of literature of all time, using a modern hot topic. However, the book she wrote came across to me like an excuse to shit all over this poor guy. The book was frustrating for me, but I finished it out if curiosity. If you like that kind of Lifetime movie stuff, then go for it.

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